Collateral Damage
by Nynaeve506
Summary: Chakotay had worked desperately to prove his loyalty, and yet Kathryn still didn't trust him. Tag to "Investigations", canon-compliant.


_A/N: It has always irked me that Chakotay just took it on the chin after being left out of the entire "Investigations" arc and I always thought Kathryn was rather cavalier in having simply not bothered to trust her first officer. While doing a rewatch of the series, this little scene popped into my head. Thanks to quantumsilver for her beta work. Read, review, and always, enjoy! For a complete list of all my works, visit me at (no spaces and turn the words into the appropriate symbols) archive of our own dot org slash users slash Nynaeve. _

One.

Two.

One.

Two.

Chakotay hit the punching bag with a steady rhythm.

One.

Two.

His muscles burned in protest. He was pushing himself harder than he had in a long while. With the knot in his stomach, with the heat in his gut, he relished the physical pain.

One.

Two.

Tuvok was there, in his mind's eye; mutual respect be damned. He imagined the Vulcan's face on the target and he poured out the tension in his shoulders.

One.

Two.

"Commander."

One.

Two.

"Commander!"

He spun around to find Captain Janeway intruding on his sanctuary, her hand on her hip, her brow furrowed.

"Captain." Her title came out clipped despite his best efforts.

"We had a dinner meeting," she stated and when he looked at her blankly, she frowned. "At 1900 hours. Did you forget?"

"My mistake, I thought perhaps Tuvok would be joining you." One.

Confusion colored her expression. "Tuvok?"

"Dinner. Coffee. Aren't those the sort of activities better shared by colleagues who trust each other?" Two. His mouth had engaged without regard for her station or rank. He was beyond caring. He'd played the good little soldier boy on duty and this was his time. The fury was flowing too freely to dam it up.

"If this is about the subterfuge with Lieutenant Paris, I already explained why we thought it was necessary to keep you out of the loop."

"My performance, as you called it," he spat. "Your token Maquis lapdog that you have trained to salivate at your command." One.

"Chakotay…"

"I suppose I should take some comfort in the fact that my humiliation aided the ship." Two.

Janeway drew herself up. "I don't have to justify my actions to you. I behaved in the best interest of this crew."

"Did you? Because it looks to me like you don't trust your first officer."

He was landing his verbal blows. He saw it in her eyes, as she searched for her private justifications for treating him like an outsider instead of like the man who defended her every day. She made a fist and released it. Her jaw twitched. Chakotay experienced a degree of satisfaction at her discomfort.

"You were Maquis. You were Seska's lover. I couldn't ignore these facts." She was attempting to dodge him.

"I joined the Maquis because it was my duty to protect my people, just like I put on this uniform because it is my duty to serve you and this crew. I have demanded that every one of the Maquis on this ship fall into line. Hell, I even punched Dalby because he wouldn't listen your damned Vulcan. If that isn't enough to prove myself, then I don't know what is."

He turned his back to his captain, to the woman who had wounded him more gravely than he cared to admit. He didn't want to dwell on how cutting her easy dismissal of him had been. There were truths about his emotions he wasn't ready to deal with yet. He lifted his fists.

One.

Two.

She walked around so she could be seen, but he kept his gaze squarely ahead. He needed this. If Chakotay had any hope of demonstrating civility to her tomorrow in front of the crew, he couldn't waste his energy doing it now. She could burn in hell for all it mattered. It wasn't supposed to sting this much, but then how much betrayal could one man take?

One.

Two.

"I'm sorry."

He dropped his fists and looked at her. Her commanding confidence had morphed into genuine remorse, and there was no evidence that this was a perfunctory apology. Even so, he remained silent. She held up her palms in contrition.

"I could lie to you and say that I was thoughtless, but the truth is, I had doubts," she confessed.

"I'm on your side. I always have been." His reply was impassioned, spoken with force as though he could will her to believe him.

"I know." Janeway pursed her lips. If there was more that she wanted to say, she held back. Chakotay wasn't sure if he felt relief or irritation. After everything, it seemed that they could do with a bit of honesty between them. She nodded. "I'll let you get back to your program." She headed towards the arch, stopping as the doors opened. She looked over her shoulder at him. "I do need you, Chakotay. Not just as my first officer but as my friend."

Chakotay stared after her as she left, his rage somewhat abated. The level of loyalty she was capable of eliciting from him was maddening. He didn't want to let go of the pleasure that came from his justified anger, but he knew that he would. He knew because he would do anything for her, even play the fool and worse, he knew if he let it, he could hate both her and himself for it. Only time would tell. Pivoting back around he retook his position.

One.

Two.


End file.
